Sure, I’ve experienced a long-term relationship and spent a little time dating, but that doesn’t mean I’m some kind of dating expert (because these days, they do exist). When I found myself single at 24, I thought I was ready to hit the scene (in a real way), but me being ready didn’t equate to me knowing what I was doing.
After a few months of the single life, I just kind of jumped into dating and did what I thought was right. We’ll talk about that in another article. For now, we’re here because of a phone call. I received a message about a free Teleseminar with Love Coach and Founder of Crystal Transitions Coaching, Sara Rose, who would be sharing four secrets to become a magnet for deeply satisfying and co-creative love.
At first I thought:
But then I reconsidered. What did I have to lose by just calling in and listening? Nothing. The teleseminar, a fancy word for conference call, was a fresh take on how to truly attract a fun and fulfilling relationship when the time is right. It got me thinking of everything I was doing wrong. Maybe we’re all doing these things wrong.
1. We focus on growing a relationship instead of ourselves.
Fix it: Commit to developing yourself personally. That could mean executing a strict morning routine, reading a new book or strengthening your relationship with a higher power. I’ve adjusted my morning routine to waking up another hour earlier fitting in time for meditation and exercise, picked up two new books and joined a bible study group since September. I already see changes in the Love & Relationships category of my life.
2. We make ourselves believe cuffing season is a real thing.
Fix it: Desperation is never cute. Instead of locking in a partner to cuddle with during cold weather, (or in our SoFla lifestyle, during the warm holiday season) try trusting the timing of your life. Believe you’re changing your frame of mind around dating so that you will attract what and who is meant for you.
3. We stay in our comfort zone.
Fix it: Stop letting boredom or loneliness move you to text an old partner. If the two of you gave getting to know one another and exploring a relationship a real try and it did not work, move on. Keep your head forward. Something new and better is ahead.
4. We don’t see that we are unique.
Fix it: Know that you are trippin’ for not realizing how exclusive you are. Then soundtrack your next step with “Golden” by Jill Scott. Change every bio on every social media account or dating profile you have to express something that is unique about you. You’re not a carbon copy of anyone — and you should broadcast this fact.
5. We think our words were just words.
Fix it: Get your hands on Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements. He provides four principles to practice that can create happiness in your love life. The first? Knowing that your words are directly connected to the person you always had the potential to be. The quick read changed my thinking about the words that I use in conversations, light and heavy.
6. We think we know it all.
Fix it: Don’t assume you know more about your potential partner than you actually do. Instead, ask more questions and don’t shy away from asking the ones you really want to know the answer to. You’ll be respected for it.
7. We don’t switch it up.
Fix it: Try something different, not someone different. If you don’t like that the really attractive person you met last week texts you every night after midnight, cut that person off, then don’t fall into the hands of someone else who does the same thing. Instead, make the decision to stop responding to any person who doesn’t initiate conversation at a respectable time. This is you knowing your worth and setting a standard that will become a habit if practiced consistently.
8. We fear what we really want.
Fix it: Train yourself to believe you are worthy of your ideal partner by literally writing down the qualities you bring to the table. This will remind you of the ways in which you are a good catch and why you deserve someone just as good, if not better.
9. We think speaking about our growth and personal development is embarrassing.
Fix it: Share this article with a friend or someone who’s single. It’s not silly to have conversations about standards, dating preferences or growth. But you won’t realize just how good it is for your love life it will be until you actually try it.
I still have some work to do (just like we all do), but I rest well knowing that I’m on the right track.
What’s next on love and dating from me? The six minute conversation with a complete stranger at a speed dating event is not just something that happens between actors on the set of TV drama. Check back in later this month see what I mean.